


I Don't Own You

by mollieblack



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Angst, Dan Howell/Phil Lester Comfort, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hurt Dan Howell, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Master/Slave, Past Rape/Non-con, Phanfiction, Rape/Non-con Elements, Romance, Slavery, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut, Star-crossed, Strangers to Lovers, Violence, notakinkthing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-13 22:39:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11194923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mollieblack/pseuds/mollieblack
Summary: Alternate UniversePhil was born with a blue mark. This mark represents that he is part of the 'high class'.Dan was born with a black mark. This mark means he's destined to be a slave, otherwise known as a 'blank'.When Phil turns 18 he is assigned his slave, a young brunette who has resigned himself to a life of service.





	1. Chapter One

"We've picked a good one, darling, there's no need to worry."

Phil nodded nervously as his mother rubbed his shoulder reassuringly. 

"He's quiet. He does what he's told and he understands the order. Now stand up straight, you need to show that you're in charge." Phil straightened his spine and tightened his lips into a hard line, looking straight forward. 

"Phillip Michael Lester." The man in the suit called, and Phil stepped forward. The man read from a sheet of paper as he spoke loud and clear, with precise articulation. "Today you are eighteen years old, and that means that today is the start of your new life. You will be reassigned to a new home to live with your blank. Until now you've been under the care of your parents and their blanks, but you are an adult now, and it is time for you to begin your own journey. Your blank has been pre-chosen by your family, and if there are any issues with it, you may file to be reassigned. This blank has gone through years of training since birth, and should serve you well."

The man stepped forward now, picking up a damp cloth that had been drenched in some blueish liquid.

"Phillip Michael Lester, please step forward."

Phil stepped forward, holding out his hand so that the man could rub the light blue outline of a circle on the back of Phil's hand, ensuring that it wasn't fake. Once he deemed the mark legitimate, he stepped back. 

"Phillip Michael Lester, I now present your blank. Someone to aid you at all times, help you in times of need, someone to do your every bidding." The man turned to acknowledge the young boy shuffling out, clad in torn and faded clothing, hair in long curls cascading down his shoulders and back. His hands were tied, and the cloth that bound them had a tail that hung down to the boy's knees. Phil saw the signature filled in black circle on the back of the boy's hand, dark as night. He didn't take his eyes off the ground as he walked forward and stood at Phil's side. 

"The cord of command." The man said, holding a long whip out to Phil, which he took in shaking hands. 

"The blank is now yours. Your family has moved your things, you may now go to your new residence. There is a carriage waiting out front." Phil nodded and took the cloth that tied around the boy's hands and led him out to a carriage that drove them to Phil's new home. 

When he got out, the driver went around to open the door, and they stepped inside. Phil untied the boy's cloth, walking around and getting used to the house. The boy in rags just stood there, eyes on the ground. 

Phil found that the kitchen was stocked, his things had been moved, and the house was lavish in luxury, something Phil was used to. He placed the whip on the end table beside his large bed.

He took down a book he'd been reading and sat on the sofa, relaxing. The boy continued to stand in the middle of the room, looking at the floor. 

Phil read for hours.

The boy didn't move.

Finally Phil sighed, and placed the book down on the couch next to him.

"I'm hungry." he announced, and the boy nodded, walking to the kitchen. Phil picked his book back up and continued to read.

About thirty minutes later, the boy returned, setting a plate of steaming food on the coffee table in front of Phil. 

"Permission to use the restroom?" The boy asked in a quiet voice, and Phil nodded.

"Thank you, Master." The boy turned and left, eyes still on the floor.

Phil tossed his book onto the edge of the coffee table and began eating his food, and it was good. He had a Chinese style dish with chicken and broccoli and a side of white rice. It was seasoned beautifully, and near perfect.

When the boy returned, Phil looked up from his food. "The broccoli is cold."

The boy nodded. "I'm sorry, Master. Would you like me to make you another plate?"

"No. This is fine. Just cook the broccoli for longer next time."

"Yes Master." the boy said, picking up the discarded book and returning it to the shelf. 

Phil watched the boy nervously when his back was turned. Phil didn't know what he was doing. His whole life he'd known that eventually he'd have his own blank, but now that he did, he wasn't sure how to act. He realized he really didn't know much about blanks, they generally stayed quiet, and the upper class weren't told much about them other than that they were 'here to serve'. Phil was simply trying to emulate the small interactions he'd seen adults have with their blanks.

When Phil finished his meal, the boy took the plate and went to the kitchen to wash up. Phil sighed and stood, taking down the book from the shelf, and finding his page. He made his way to the bedroom and sat on the plush bed, leafing through pages. After a few minutes the boy returned, standing at the edge of the room. There was another small mattress, a little hard thing with one thin blanket and a flat pillow that Phil knew the boy would sleep on.

Phil read for another hour or so, then went to the bathroom and brushed his teeth, returning to his bedroom where the boy had laid out his pajamas. 

Phil put his arms up and the boy approached him, careful to touch only the cloth and never Phil's skin, lifting the shirt over his head. He then unbuttoned Phil's trousers and slid them off, followed by peeling Phil's socks off as Phil sat on the edge of the bed to keep his balance. Once Phil was in only his underwear, the boy held his robe open and Phil put his back to the boy, allowing him to help Phil's arms through the robe, then turning so the boy could tie it in the front. 

The boy never touched Phil's skin once. He had been well trained.

Phil laid back in bed and read for a bit longer, then placed the book down on his nightstand and the boy immediately returned it to the bookshelf. 

"I'm ready to sleep." Phil said, and the boy clicked off the light, casting the room in shadow. The boy continued to stand, and Phil felt uneasy with the dark form looking down on him.

"You may lie down." he said, and the boy made his way to the small mattress, pulling the thin cover over him. Silence overtook the room, and Phil felt awkward. This entire thing felt weird, and he felt like he was just 'playing' at being an adult, not actually knowing how to handle the responsibility and power that came with having an assigned blank.

"So... what's your name?" Phil asked after a while to break the silence.

"Master, blanks aren't given names." the boy responded, and Phil furrowed his eyebrows.

"Well then what should I call you?"

"You can call me whatever you like."

"Has anyone ever called you  _anything_ before?" Phil couldn't fathom a life without a name.

"I've been called slave. Blank. Boy. Any of those work." Phil nodded, thinking.

"I'll think of something. Goodnight... boy."

"Good night, Master."


	2. Chapter Two

Phil woke up to the sound of someone walking in the room, and looked up to see the boy in rags tiptoeing in through the door. Phil sat up in bed, raising an eyebrow at him in the dim light of dawn.

"I'm sorry, Master." the boy said when he saw Phil was awake. "I had to use the restroom, and I didn't want to wake you." 

"Oh." Phil responded, laying back down. "That's alright." The boy continued to stand, and Phil cocked an eyebrow at him. "You may lay back down if you're tired." he said, and the boy shook his head, looking at the ground. 

"I'm not tired... but if you wish for me to lay down, I shall."

"Okay... well, you're welcome to help yourself to any of my books." Phil said, turning on his side to sleep. 

"Master... I couldn't." The boy said, and Phil turned back, eyebrows furrowed.

"Why not?"

"I'm here to help you. I don't... I can't... I can't do things for my own enjoyment." The boy said, sounding confused.

"But I don't mind. It's not like I need anything right now, and it'll keep you from just... standing there." the boy looked conflicted for a bit, then slowly walked to the bookshelf. He took a book off, and stared at it.

"Master... I can't. I want to, if that's what you want me to do, but I can't." Phil frowned.

"Why can't you?"

"Master, I can't read." 

Phil's eyes widened. This boy couldn't read? Phil couldn't imagine a world without words, books, stories. He quickly sat up in bed, scooting over and patting the bed next to him. The boy stared at him in wide eyed shock and fear.

"Come. Sit." Phil said, and the boy shakily climbed onto the bed, sitting next to Phil. He closed his eyes.

"What are you doing? Open your eyes." Phil said, and the boy did so, but he looked terrified. Phil saw that his eyes were glinting, and he wondered if the boy was holding back tears.

"Are you okay?" Phil asked, and the boy nodded briskly.

"Yes. I'm fine. Do whatever you want to me, I'm here to serve you." Phil's eyebrows knit together in confusion for a moment, and then understanding washed over him at what the boy thought Phil was about to do to him.

"No! God, no! I just want to teach you how to read." Phil said, and the boy relaxed. "You don't have to be worried, okay?" 

The boy nodded, looking down. "I'm sorry, Master. I've just been told that when your owner invites you into bed that they intend on using you for pleasure. And if you wanted that, of course I would oblige. I'm sorry, Master, I shouldn't have shown that I was scared."

"It's okay. That wasn't my intention."

"You want me to learn to read?" the boy asked confusedly, and Phil nodded.

It was very early in the morning, but they began working, and the entire day was spent with Phil teaching the boy how to read. Short breaks were taken for the boy to change Phil into his day clothes, to cook Phil meals, and to assist with Phil's bath, but every other minute was spent over books, examining the words. 

The boy was skittish and quiet, and would do anything Phil asked. Phil still wasn't sure how he was supposed to treat this boy, but he began to decide that he wouldn't be exactly like the people he'd seen with their blanks. 

Phil realized that he didn't, and probably wouldn't ever have a job. He had nothing to do, no one to keep him company. Maybe one day he'd be married, but for now he just... was. This boy could serve as a friend... of sorts. Maybe not a friend, the boy was ridiculously formal and professional, but an acquaintance. Someone to share the emptiness of the house, and make life a bit more bearable. 

Phil grinned when he saw the boy's eyes light up for the first time as he read out a full sentence by himself. He was a fast learner. They were sitting on the sofa, leaning over the coffee table.

"I'm getting tired." Phil thought aloud, rubbing his eyes. 

"Do you want to get ready for bed?" The boy asked, but Phil shook his head.

"No... unless you're tired, I'm quite enjoying this. Maybe I'll just have some tea."

"Of course, Master." the boy said, going into the kitchen. Phil noticed, though, that his walk was slow and his eyes were drooping just slightly.

"Make yourself a cup as well?" Phil called out.

After a short pause, Phil heard the voice come back to him, "As you wish, Master.", and Phil smiled. 

"Do you like it?" Phil asked as he saw the boy's eyes widen as he sipped his tea.

"I've never had something so sweet." The boy marveled, nodding.

"Well, you have my permission to make tea for yourself whenever you like." Phil said, and the boy smiled.

"Thank you, Master."

They continued to read, and the boy found a short story he seemed to enjoy.

"What do you think of this one?" Phil asked, because he had learned by now that the boy rarely spoke unless spoken to.

"I like it. I like the knight, Daniel. He's smart, and brave, and doesn't listen to rules. He's free." the boy observed, and Phil grinned, listening to the boy's admiration.

"Daniel." Phil said suddenly. "That's what your name will be... if you like it?" the boy nodded, wide eyed, and with just the hint of a smile on his face.

"Daniel." Phil repeated. "Or Dan." he reached his hand out to shake the boy's. "It's nice to meet you, Dan."

Dan took Phil's hand tentatively and shook. "You as well, Master."

"Please... you don't have to call me master. Call me Phil." Phil said, and the boy's eyes widened.

"Okay... you as well... Phil."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe today I hit over a quarter million (250,000) words between all my fics. It's only been like a month! Thank you all so much for the constant support, you're the reason I keep writing, and every comment, kudos, hit, bookmark, etc, means so much <3 thank you


	3. Chapter Three

"Dan, my family is coming for dinner tonight." Phil said as he sat up, basking in the morning light streaming through the window. 

Dan quickly got up out of bed and straightened his ratty clothing. "Yes, Master."

"Dan..."

"Sorry. Yes... Phil." Dan said, and Phil smiled. 

"Those clothes are a mess." Phil commented, squinting in concern, and Dan's eyes widened in fear.

"I'm sorry, Ma... Phil. I don't own any other clothing."

"Well, here." Phil said, walking to his wardrobe and pulling out a simple shirt and pants. "These should do."

"Are... are you sure?" Dan asked hesitantly, and Phil nodded in encouragement. 

"Thank you... Phil." Dan said, and stripped down. Phil noticed the scars covering Dan's shoulders and torso, and saw that they were even thicker and there were much more coating his back, from years of lashings. Once all his clothing had been discarded, he took the shirt and pants from Phil and slid them on, immediately moving to place the discarded clothing at the foot of his tiny mattress to keep them off the floor.

"Of course. We need you to be presentable for my family tonight." Phil said, taking in Dan's appearance. The new clothes made a big difference, but Dan still looked fairly messy. Phil's eyes found his long, curling, tangled hair, and he smiled.

"We're going to cut your hair." Phil said, and Dan nodded, looking at the ground.

"Yes, sir."

"Have you ever cut your hair before?" Phil asked, because he was curious. Dan's hair reached his waist, and Phil wasn't surprised at his response.

"No, sir."

"Alright, well we're going to take that off, and I think it'll help." Dan nodded.

Phil got out of bed and Dan approached him, untying his robe and slipping it off of Phil, then carefully taking the band of Phil's underwear in his fingers, careful not to touch his skin, and slid them down and off him. Phil stood there, naked as the day he was born, until Dan returned with a new outfit. Phil lifted one leg, then the other as Dan put a fresh pair of underwear on him, followed by pants and a button up shirt. 

Phil watched Dan's face as he fastened the buttons, and found himself smiling. Dan was nice. He hid behind a wall of formality, but Phil enjoyed his presence, and he was looking forward to cutting Dan's hair. Dan's features were soft and gentle, and Phil thought that once they took off the mop he had growing out of his head, Dan could be quite presentable. 

Phil wondered if Dan had kept his hair long for that exact reason. He knew that it wasn't uncommon for members of the upper class to use their blanks for physical pleasure. In fact, it was uncommon _not_ to. From the way Dan had reacted the time Phil had invited him to sit on his bed, he imagined that this was something Dan was afraid of.

Phil knew that this was _so_ important to some people that they'd go through and look at several blanks until they chose the one that was the most physically appealing to them, and Phil wondered if Dan had kept his hair long and matted, falling in his face, to keep people from seeing how attractive he truly was.

When Dan had dressed Phil, they made their way to the bathroom, and Dan got out a pair of shears. He lifted them up, holding hair in his other hand as he looked in the mirror, and Phil quickly reached forward to stop him.

"No, no no! You can't cut your own hair, that'll never look good! Here, get a chair and sit down, I'll cut it." Phil said, taking the scissors from Dan.

"Are you sure, Master? You shouldn't have to do anything for me."

"What did I say about calling me master? And... think of it as a favor to me. It  _is_ for me, not you, because I want you to look good when my family arrives." Dan nodded, taking this in, then left and returned with a chair. 

Phil cut Dan's hair, long heavy locks falling to the floor. Dan looked nervous, but he was clearly trying to hide his emotion, and Phil decided not to make him uncomfortable by asking. Phil wasn't exactly a professional when it came to cutting hair, but after lots of fussing, it looked decent.

Dan's hair was short all around, and just a bit longer on the top, allowing his curls to form and hang loosely at the top of his forehead.

"There you go!" Phil said, smiling, and Dan stood to look in the mirror.

His eyes widened as he looked at himself, raising a hand to gingerly touch his cheek, lips parted. He looked surprised, and as if he didn't recognize the boy in the mirror. Phil certainly thought he looked like an entirely new boy, and he realized he had been right. Short hair suited Dan well, and he was surprisingly attractive.

"What do you think?" Phil asked, and Dan met his eyes through the mirror, quickly shifting his gaze to the floor.

"I like it, thank you Master. Phil.... Thank you, Phil." Phil smiled as he looked at the transformed boy.

"I like it too."

Dan swept up the hair on the floor and returned the chair to the study, then went to the kitchen to make Phil breakfast.

"Dan... what do you eat?" Phil asked as Dan flipped an egg at the stove.

"I eat the scraps. Ends of carrots, whatever may be left on plates after meals. The things that would generally get thrown away." Dan responded, and Phil frowned.

"Make yourself a serving."

"I'm sorry?" Dan asked, turning to look at Phil in shock, but as always, quickly looking away.

"Whenever you make me food, make yourself a plate too, okay? Same goes for drinks." Phil couldn't imagine a life living off of scraps, and it wasn't as if he couldn't afford to feed Dan. 

"Oh... okay. Thank you... Phil." Dan said, turning back to the eggs.

"You're welcome."

They both ate breakfast today, and Phil had to tell Dan that it was alright to sit on the sofa as they ate. Dan sat awkwardly on the very edge of the cushion, and Phil sighed. This boy had clearly been raised with people who were far stricter than Phil, and had probably expected someone who cared much more about their blank's etiquette. Phil really just wanted Dan to relax, because when Dan was tense Phil couldn't relax himself.

"So Dan... tell me about yourself." Phil said, searching for conversation.

"I'm sorry?" Dan asked, looking up from his plate in confusion.

"Tell me about yourself. Your life, your interests..." Phil said absentmindedly, not entirely realizing how ridiculous it was to ask that of a blank.

"Um... I grew up in the system. I was trained by an elderly woman. She taught me household duties, etiquette, and speech. Then I was assigned to you. I don't know about interests... we... blanks don't really have them. I did enjoy reading the other day." Dan said, and Phil's eyes shot open at his stupidity. Of course asking a blank about their interests was going to be a fruitless mission. He scrambled for something to say to continue the conversation.

"So... what was this woman like?" Phil asked, and immediately regretted his decision as he saw Dan's eyes darken.

"She was a good trainer." Dan said carefully, and Phil knew that he couldn't ever say anything bad about her. A blank couldn't insult their master. "She taught me well. She was strict, and made sure I learned. She showed me... everything. Everything I might have to do to serve... and to  _please_ my master." Phil's eyes widened as he realized what the boy was saying. 

It wasn't as if this was uncommon, but Phil had just never entirely taken the time to think about it. Now hearing this boy, probably two or three years younger than Phil, talking about this  _elderly_ woman... it made Phil's stomach turn.

"Well..." Phil started, wanting to stop any further description Dan might give. "you've clearly proven that you know what you're doing. I hope you know, though, that I'm not so strict, and it's okay for you to try to... relax a bit more now. Okay?" Dan's eyebrows furrowed as he nodded, looking at the ground.

"I will try, Mas... Phil. I will do my best if that is what you wish." 

"It is." Phil responded, and Dan nodded. He got up and took their plates, empty now, returning to the kitchen to wash up, leaving Phil to sit in the living room.

Phil was nervous about his family's visit. He was supposed to be a mature, functioning adult now, but he didn't even know what that meant because he had too much money to ever need a job, and he had someone there to do practically everything for him. Part of him wanted to get a job just to have something to do, but he knew his family would see it as a disgrace, saying that no one of their class should be working. 

Phil sighed. When Dan returned, Phil smiled, happy that he at least had this boy with him.

"I need to take a bath before my family arrives." Dan nodded and walked with Phil to the bathroom, Dan turning on the tap to begin filling the porcelain tub with warm water. 

Phil put his hands above his head as Dan removed his clothing piece by piece, and once he was fully naked Phil climbed into the tub. He leaned back against the cool porcelain, feeling the water hit the tops of his ankles as it slowly filled the tub. 

Phil looked over to Dan who was arranging the soaps and scrubs necessary to bathe Phil, and Phil smiled. He really did like this haircut on Dan... he was pretty. 

"Can I touch your hair?" Phil asked, because he felt the urge to feel the soft, freshly cut hair between his fingers.

"Of course, Master. You do not need to ask, you may do with me what you want." Dan responded, and Phil frowned as he ran his fingers through Dan's hair. He just couldn't quite imagine touching someone without asking first. It felt wrong and he didn't know why, but he knew he didn't want to do that.

"I'll continue to ask... thank you though." Phil responded, and Dan met his gaze for a minute before looking away and nodding.

The bath was full now and Phil removed his hand from Dan's soft locks, sinking further into the tub to submerge himself in the warm water. When he came back up he took in a deep breath, then settled back against the wall of the tub.

Dan gestured to Phil's foot, and Phil lifted his leg out of the water. Dan took Phil's ankle in his hands, propping his leg up on the edge of the bath. Dan lathered his hands in soap and began working the soap into Phil's calf, then his foot. Dan moved to the end of the tub and took Phil's foot in his hands, massaging it with the slippery soap. Phil closed his eyes and hummed, enjoying the massage. Dan's hands worked magic, and Phil felt all the stress about his family's visit wash out of him.

Once Dan was finished with Phil's right calf and foot he moved to the left, slowly and methodically washing any grime off of Phil. After that he moved to Phil's hands and arms, rubbing Phil's palms and pulling at each finger individually, then running his wet and soapy hands up Phil's arms and over his shoulders, one by one.

Dan shifted to Phil's chest and neck, running his hands over Phil's collarbones, making warm circles on his chest, and Phil shivered a bit when Dan's rough palms ran over Phil's nipples, but they were underwater and it helped to dull the sensation. Dan froze, and looked in Phil's eyes for just a moment.

"I'm sorry, sir, did I do something wrong?" Dan asked, and Phil shook his head, relaxing.

"No... no you're fine, Dan. Thank you." Phil reassured, and Dan nodded, returning to washing Phil. After his chest Dan moved to his back, then had Phil stand in the tub so he could massage and wash Phil's full torso.

Dan then moved to the bottom of Phil's right thigh, and made a circle around it with his hands, twisting from side to side gently as he moved his way up Phil's thigh. Phil felt tingles rush through him, and he took deep breaths as he looked down at Dan. Dan stroked Phil's thighs, one by one, then moved to his bum, making circles with his hands, rubbing the slippery soap all over him.

Once Dan was finished, Phil sank back into the tub, allowing the soap to flow off of him.

Dan shifted to Phil's hair now, massaging his scalp as he worked the shampoo through Phil's locks, and Phil shut his eyes as Dan massaged his temples. Phil could stay like this all day. 

It didn't last all day, however, and soon Phil was stepping out of the tub and Dan was running a towel over every part of his body, drying him off. He ruffled Phil's hair between the towel, then took a loose comb and ran it through Phil's locks, smoothing them out and ensuring that they wouldn't dry in tangles. 

Once Dan was finished drying him, he left and returned with a formal outfit. 

"Thank you. This will be perfect for my family's visit." Phil smiled, and Dan nodded. He dressed Phil, and once again Phil found himself mesmerized by the boy's beauty as he buttoned Phil's shirt, holding his bottom lip between his teeth in concentration as he made sure never to touch Phil's skin, even though he'd just handled nearly every part of Phil's body just moments earlier. 

Once Phil was dressed, Dan straightened up and checked the time.

"I should start dinner." He said, and Phil nodded, but he felt a little sad. He didn't want to be left alone.

"Dan..." he started as Dan exited the bathroom towards the kitchen, and the boy turned to raise an eyebrow in question.

"Would you like me to read to you as you cook?" Phil asked, and for the first time Dan smiled fully, looking Phil in the eye.

"That would be wonderful."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> such a weird chapter to write xD like... it's SO sexual, but SO not at the same time.


	4. Chapter Four

Phil read to Dan as the boy began cooking a large meal. Phil chose a classic, realizing Dan had never heard the stories Phil grew up with.

He decided on Alice in Wonderland, and sat down with the heavy book. Dan listened intently as he prepared the meal, and Phil enjoyed glancing up to see Dan's reactions as he read, though the boy always muted his emotions behind a wall of formality. Phil was becoming more and more determined to break that wall down.

Phil made his way through the entire story before Dan was near finishing with the meal. 

"Your family should be arriving shortly." the boy said, looking at the time, and Phil let out a deep sigh. 

"Yes... they should." Phil wasn't too excited about his family visiting. He'd never gotten along with them too well, they were far too proper for him. Everything they did and said had its order and purpose, and no true feelings were ever shown. Everything felt as if it were locked behind closed doors with his family, and Phil had a hard time connecting with them, so he turned to books and stories instead. That, and they called him 'Phillip', which he hated.

Phil thought about his family for a while, absently watching Dan cook, until there was a knock at the door. Phil stopped Dan as he rushed to open it, letting the boy know that Phil could do this.

"Good evening." Phil said as he opened the door, allowing his parents inside, followed by their blanks.

Phil had never gotten to know their blanks. His parents kept them hidden most of the time, remaining in the background and cleaning. His mum had a male blank a little younger than her, and his father had a female blank about his age. Phil had never heard either of them speak other than the occasional 'Can I take that for you?' or 'Yes sir/ma'am'. He'd never thought of it much, they'd just  _been there_ all his life, but now that he had his own blank he noticed them more.

Phil led them to the dining table and his parents sat down, allowing him to sit at the head of the table, their blanks remaining stood next to the door, awaiting further instruction. Dan entered from the kitchen and brought out the meal, a roast with mashed potatoes, gravy, and asparagus with rolls and butter on the side. 

"Thank you, Dan." Phil smiled, and Dan gave a small nod.

"Dan?" Phil's mum asked, and Phil looked up to see his parents with confused expressions.

"Oh, yes I didn't know what to call him, so we chose a name for him." Phil explained, and his brows furrowed in confusion when he saw his parents share an apprehensive glance.

"Phillip..." Dan's mum started, and Phil knew a lecture was coming. "You shouldn't give it a name. It's a blank... giving it a name will only blur the line between it and people like us, and you have to keep that line clear. You have to be strict with a blank." Phil raised his eyebrows. Her calling Dan _it_.... it just felt wrong.

Phil opened and closed his mouth a few times, not entirely sure how to respond.

"Where is your cord, Phillip?" Phil's father asked, and Phil's eyes widened further. He wished that Dan was back in the kitchen, not standing next to him and watching this whole conversation. 

"Um... I think it's in my room." Phil stammered, and his father shook his head while his mother tutted. 

"Son, you must keep it with you at all times. How else can you discipline your blank?" Phil nodded as he looked down, then looked up at Dan a bit sadly.

"Dan... I mean um... boy... could you please bring me the cord?" 

"Phillip! The blank cannot touch the cord! It gives it power, you must always have power. Blanks must never touch your cord." Phil's mother chastised, and Phil blushed in embarrassment, getting up and returning with the whip. "And never say please while giving orders!" Phil's mother added. 

Phil shot a quick glance up at Dan to see him looking straight at the floor, shoulders hunched. It sent a pang through Phil's chest, and he wanted to reach out and comfort the boy, but he knew that would be completely unacceptable not only with his parents, but for any member of the upper class to be comforting a blank. That didn't happen. Every day, though, Phil was beginning to question that more and more.

"So... Phillip... have you given any thought to marriage?" Phil's mum asked, and he shrugged.

"Not particularly. I will find someone eventually." He stated, and his father furrowed his brow. 

"You are at least getting pleasure out of your blank, no?" he asked, and Phil felt as if his eyes were going to pop out of his head they shot so wide.

"N... no. No... I'm not." he stammered, and he was shocked at how appalled both his parents looked.

"Phillip, people need pleasure, and you know you cannot find that pleasure with anyone of your class until you're married. That's what they're here for. Make use of it." Phil's mum said, and Phil suddenly found the tablecloth extremely interesting.

"Um... okay." he responded, simply trying to get them to change the subject.

The rest of the night passed in the same fashion. Phil's parents would ask him questions only to follow his answers with lectures, calling him Phillip and critiquing the way he interacted with Dan, saying he needed to 'assert his dominance' more. They even suggested he whip Dan just to prove a point, but luckily his parents also believed that all interaction with blanks should be held behind closed doors, so they didn't try to get him to do it right then and there. Phil didn't know what he would have done if they had.

When his parents finally left, Phil closing the door behind them, he turned to Dan and sighed. 

"I am so sorry." Phil said, but Dan didn't react, simply picking up dishes to bring to the kitchen. 

"You should not apologize. They were right." Dan said in a painfully even tone, and Phil's eyes widened. 

"Are you kidding me? They called you an 'it'! They said I should... hurt you. Use you. They treated you like an object!" Phil exclaimed, and Dan looked up to meet his gaze this time. His eyes were hard and resigned, all the emotion wiped of them.

"You should. I am. I am here to serve you, you shouldn't see me as a person. You shouldn't give me a name. You  _should_ use me... it's my purpose." Dan said, and Phil felt like he might cry all of a sudden.

"Dan!" Dan winced at the name, but Phil continued. "Dan, I am _not_ treating you as an object! I don't want to use you, I don't want you to be a 'thing' I take advantage of! Really I just want a friend." Phil said softly at the end, and he noticed just a twinge of sadness creep into Dan's eyes, but it was quickly concealed. 

"I am not here to be your friend. I am here as your slave. I have been bad, allowing you to treat me with too much kindness. You haven't treated me for who I am, and now I should be punished." Phil's jaw dropped as he watched Dan sink to all fours, pulling his shirt off to reveal his scarred back. 

"Hurt me. I am ready for my punishment."

"No! Get up!" Phil pleaded, and Dan shook his head.

"I can't, you must punish me."

"I can't!" Phil nearly yelped.

Dan stood up and tugged his pants down and off, leaving him naked, then resumed his earlier position on all fours. "Then use me! Treat me as what I am, use me for what I am here for, it's what you should be doing!" Dan sounded desperate, and Phil's heart hurt for him.

Phil collected himself, clearing his throat so his voice was no longer shrill and desperate, now low and commanding.

"Dan, this is an order from your Master. Stand up, put your clothes on." Dan froze for a moment, then stood, redressing clumsily. "You are going to allow me to call you by your name. You are going to allow me to treat you as a human. You are going to listen to me when I tell you that I'm not going to use you. That I don't  _want_ to use you. You are going to think and speak as an individual, and if you  _want,_ you are going to be my friend." Phil softened his voice a bit for the last piece, allowing a bit of his nerves to show through. He looked up to meet Dan's eye, who was now staring at him in shock.

"I... I'm sorry, Mas... Phil. I've never been treated this way." Dan said confusedly, and suddenly Phil  _needed_ to get his point across.

He stepped towards Dan quickly, saddened a bit when the boy flinched, and took Dan's left hand in his. He held it so the back was facing up, and pointed at the black circle.

"You see this? This is just a circle. This doesn't mean that you're not a human. It's just a circle." Phil repeated, now holding Dan's hand in both of his, rubbing his thumb over the black circle. 

"I... I don't know how to be what you want me to be." Dan said honestly, and Phil heard a crack in his voice.

"It's okay. I know your life has been very different until now, and to be truthful I don't even know how all this works. But I don't want to just try to fit the mold, we're stuck together in this house with nothing but each other, and I'd like to find a way to make the most of it and be happy, not just try to live up to expectations." Phil said, and he didn't know where this all was coming form, but as his brain caught up with what his mouth was saying he found he agreed, so he allowed himself to continue, curious as to what would come next.

"All I ask is that you try. You try to view me as a friend, not your master. You try to see yourself as a person, and treat yourself accordingly." Phil said, and he watched as a tear made its way down Dan's cheek slowly, then dropped onto the floor. Phil reached up a hand to cup Dan's cheek, raising it so the younger boy met his gaze, brushing the tear away with his thumb.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't cry, I'm sorry." Dan stammered, real fear in his eyes, but Phil brought the other hand up to meet the first, cupping Dan's face. 

"Shhh, shhhhh. It's okay. That's another thing. You don't always have to be so stoic, it's okay to show emotions. I won't get mad at you, and for the love of god I won't hit you!" Phil said, looking at Dan who simply stared back in confusion. "Okay?" He asked, and Dan sniffled a bit, raising a hand to wipe his nose. 

"Okay." Dan agreed softly, nodding his head against Phil's hands, and on an impulse Phil pulled him in for a hug. 

"Thank you." Phil said, and Dan nodded, tense under Phil's grip, but allowing the hug. 

It was a step in the right direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: mollieblackwrites  
> Always accepting prompts/requests/ideas/random messages if you're bored :) <3


	5. Chapter Five

After several minutes Phil was able to convince Dan that everything was okay, and the mood eased in the room.

It was getting late, so Phil decided it was time for him to brush his teeth. As he approached the bathroom, he realized he'd never seen Dan clean himself, though the boy generally seemed clean enough, save the ever present dirt under his fingernails. 

"Dan?" Phil asked, and Dan appeared in the restroom seconds later.

"Yes, M... Phil?"

"When do you brush your teeth and bathe?" 

Dan shrugged, looking at the floor. "Once you've fallen asleep, sir. I stay awake until your breathing has slowed and I know you're sleeping, so I know that you won't need anything from me. I brush my teeth right outside the door as the bath is filling so if you call I can hear, then make sure everything is silent while I bathe for the same reason." Dan explained, and Phil nodded.

"From now on you may brush your teeth with me and bathe whenever necessary, so long as you let me know." Phil said, and Dan nodded.

"If that is what you wish, sir." he said, taking a toothbrush out of a drawer Phil had never opened.

As Phil gazed in the mirror, watching them brush their teeth side by side, he couldn't help noticing the circles on each of their hands. How could one little mark make such a huge difference in peoples' lives? He began thinking of what it would have been like if he had been born with a black circle, and how his life would be different.

It would have been unlikely for Phil to have a black circle, full bred blue families generally produced blue children, but it was possible. Generally blanks were created either from a member of the upper class using a blank for sexual pleasure and resulting in pregnancy, or forced breeding between blanks, which wasn't uncommon.

Phil couldn't imagine having his entire life condemned to slavery just from a mark he was born with. 

"Dan... who were your parents?" Phil asked, and when he looked in the boy's eyes through the mirror he knew it was a bad question.

"I don't know. Blanks never meet their parents." Dan responded after spitting out a mouthful of foamy toothpaste. 

"Oh..." was all Phil could think of to say. "I'm sorry."

"You shouldn't apologize to me." Dan responded, and Phil shook his head.

"No, remember? I know you were raised one way, but I'm your assignment and will be for the rest of our lives. You're going by my rules now, okay? And I say that you are a person. A person with thoughts, opinions, and feelings, and I want you to be okay with that. I want to get to know  _you,_ not just have some emotionless  _thing_ that does everything for me."

"Yes... yes sir. I will try." Dan responded, rinsing his toothbrush, and Phil did the same. When he looked up at Dan, he saw that the boy's eyes had large bags underneath them.

"Dan... do you sleep?" Phil asked, and Dan shrugged, not looking at him.

"Not a lot. I generally am doing things at night, and when I do try to sleep it's hard for me, because the mattress is bumpy, so I generally just lay there and wait for you to need me." Dan stated, matter-of-factly.

Phil widened his eyes, realizing how exhausted Dan must be. He did all the work in the house, and on top of it he bathed while Phil slept and even then struggled with insomnia? Phil didn't know how he was still standing.

"You may sleep in my bed from now on."

"Sir..."

"It's plenty big for the both of us. And if you truly want to serve me well, I need you to have energy."

Dan looked at the ground for a long time before responding with a soft, "Okay."

Phil walked into his room, Dan following, and Phil allowed Dan to undress him and redress him in his robe. They climbed into the bed, and Dan lay stiffly on top of the covers on the very edge of the bed.

"Dan, you can get under the sheets." Phil instructed, and when Dan turned to raise his eyebrows to ensure that it would be okay, Phil saw fear in his eyes. 

"It's okay. I don't want anything from you, I'm not going to touch you. Just get under the sheets so you can sleep." Phil reassured, and Dan nodded with a small grateful smile, crawling under the blankets. 

"Goodnight, Dan."

"Goodnight, Sir."

Phil fell into sleep quickly, and in his dream he was young. He was probably about eight years old, and he was being yelled at by an old ugly woman who towered over him, and when he looked down he had a large black circle on his hand. The woman hit him and screamed at him, and he curled in a ball and cried, until the woman returned with a knife and just as the blade touched Phil's throat, he woke up.

Phil's eyes shot open and he was sweating, breathing heavily. He looked across the bed, and suddenly it was as if all the terror and stress of his dream left him as he saw Dan, face soft and relaxed, lips slightly parted, deep in sleep. Phil smiled slightly, never having seen Dan so relaxed. 

He felt the urge again to run his fingers through Dan's hair, but it felt wrong to do that in Dan's sleep, and he didn't want to wake the boy to ask him. Phil looked around and saw the morning light shining through his window, and was surprised that they'd both slept in. 

Phil got an idea and grinned, slowly slipping out of bed, being careful not to wake Dan. He snuck into the kitchen, but that's where all his confidence left him. Phil had never cooked a thing in his life. He spent about ten minutes walking around and examining things, until he decided that any attempt at cooking would end up disastrous. 

Instead, Phil got out a knife and a board he'd seen Dan use when he chopped things, then got some fruit and a plate. He cut fruit as neatly as he could, and it was nowhere near as nice looking as when Dan did it, but it was okay. Phil almost sliced his finger at one point while cutting an apple, but he managed to move out of the way quick enough.

Once he'd organized the plate so it looked at least somewhat presentable, he walked into the room to find Dan still sleeping. He wondered if he should allow Dan to continue sleeping, but shrugged deciding it was late enough to warrant waking him, and Dan could sleep in Phil's bed in the future, catching up on sleep then.

Phil crawled onto the bed and placed the plate in front of Dan's face, then reached out to lightly rub the boy's shoulder to wake him.

Dan sat up with a start, almost knocking the plate of fruit over, which Phil caught. 

"It's morning! I slept in! I'm so sorry, Master, I'll get up right away, I am so sorry!" Dan nearly shouted in a panic, and Phil reached out to calm him, placing his hand on Dan's upper arm.

"Dan, it's okay. I'm glad you got some rest, I made you breakfast." Phil smiled proudly as he held up the plate, but his smile fell from his face as he saw Dan look at the fruit in horror.

"You shouldn't have made food! And not for me! Don't you see, this isn't how it's supposed to be done, I've made a mistake, I'm so sorry, Master, it won't happen again!" Dan was scrambling off the bed, but Phil got up and made his way around it, blocking Dan and stopping him, holding the plate out.

"Dan, I made this because I wanted to. I  _want_ you to eat it. Please... for me?" Phil asked, and Dan was shaking, but he took a deep breath, calming himself down, then nodded.

"As you wish." They made their way to the dining room, and Dan began picking at the fruit. Phil began to feel his own mouth water, and Dan looked up and noticed, pushing the bowl between them. Phil smiled at him and took a far too thick slice of banana, popping it in his mouth. Dan gave him a small smile in return, and Phil decided he wanted to find more things to do with Dan.

"Dan... will you teach me to cook?" he asked, and Dan's eyes widened. 

"If that's what you'd like, then yes." Dan responded, and Phil nodded enthusiastically.

"I need to go to the market today and pick up some new food, but when I get back maybe I can show you some things as I cook dinner." 

"Why don't I come with you?" Phil asked with a smile.

"Okay... yes if you'd like. The market, though... it's not a place for someone of your class..." Dan said hesitantly, and Phil shrugged.

"I don't care, I want to go with you." he said happily, and Dan smiled again.

"Okay."

After they finished the fruit and Dan washed the dishes, Phil used the phone connected to the wall to call a carriage. It appeared a half hour later, and Phil and Dan climbed in, Dan carrying several baskets. 

"Sir Phillip, where shall I be taking you today?" The carriage driver asked.

"The general market, please." Phil responded, and the driver raised his eyebrows.

"Do you mean high market, with the shops?" The driver asked, and Phil shook his head.

"No, the general market. With the food." He smiled, and the driver furrowed his eyebrows, but turned forward to the horses, shaking the reins to get them to begin moving.

"As you wish." 

They rode to the market, and when they arrived Dan got out of the carriage, putting down the baskets and then holding out a hand to help Phil down. They walked in, and Phil was immediately overwhelmed. 

The lights were dim and flickering. There were people in rags everywhere, not looking at each other, simply keeping their eyes on the ground or the food they took. Phil looked over to Dan to see that he had adopted the same physicality as he walked up to a cart of produce, rifling through the ingredients until he found the best, ripest ones. 

Phil followed Dan, looking around in awe as Dan picked through different things, filling up his baskets. Phil saw people with scars on their faces, hands, legs. Everyone's eyes had the same glassed-over look, as if they were running on autopilot. 

When Phil and Dan passed a shelf loaded with strawberries, Phil tapped on Dan's shoulders excitedly. 

"Ooh, Dan, can we please get some of these!" Dan looked up at Phil with a bit of a worried glance, but took a box of strawberries, placing it in his basket. "Thank you!" Phil exclaimed, and Dan's eyes widened in further fear. Phil frowned in confusion, then looked around to see three blanks in their nearby vicinity staring at him in shock. When he looked at them they immediately averted their glances, busying themselves with choosing ingredients, and Phil turned back to Dan.

"What was that?"

"They're not used to having a high class here. Not only that, but none of us are used to members of high class  _ever_ thanking us." Dan said softly so the other blanks wouldn't hear, and Phil only frowned further.

"I'm sorry." he said, and Dan shook his head briskly.

"You can't say that either." he looked up in fear as he realized what he had said. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, you can do as you please, I am so sorry!" 

Phil shook his head, dismissing Dan's apology. "Don't be sorry. It's good for me to learn. Well, I suppose I'm not your average blue marker. But if you'd like me to be more formal in public, I can do that." Dan nodded his head gratefully, and Phil drew in a deep breath, straightening his mouth into a line.

He kept this serious stature throughout the rest of their outing, not speaking to Dan other than short commands of 'this one', 'yes', or 'no'. It killed Phil, and he realized how much he hated having to treat Dan as 'lesser' than him.

Once they'd filled all the baskets, they quickly paid and then were taking a carriage back. When they made it into the house and the door was closed Phil turned to Dan, who was setting the baskets on the ground.

When they boy's arms were free, Phil threw himself forward, wrapping his arms around the boy who stiffened in shock.

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I felt so bad treating you like that." Dan's arms wrapped around Phil tentatively, but he was still rigid as a pole.

"Sir, don't feel bad. You treat me much better than any master treats their blank, you do not need to apologize."

"But you're my friend!" Phil protested, pulling back so he could look at Dan from arm's reach, keeping his grasp on Dan's shoulders.

"I can't be your friend, Phil, I am your blank." Dan said, and their was a twinge of pain in his tone.

"Dan, I don't care about the mark on your hand. You're my friend." he said, and watched as Dan's formal exterior crumbled, relaxing into Phil's grasp on his shoulders, allowing a small smile to trace over his lips.

"Okay. If you want me to be your friend... we can be friends."

"Thank you." Phil said, pulling Dan back into a hug, and Dan tensed up again, but this time he relaxed after a moment.

"No, Phil... thank _you_." Phil smiled into the boy's shoulder, and a tear pricked his eye as he realized that this was the first time Dan had ever called him by his name on the first try.


	6. Chapter Six

"Soup will be the easiest thing to start with." Dan said, and Phil nodded.

He took the cutting board that Dan handed him, placing it on the counter, then getting a handful of carrots and a knife. He watched as Dan cut the carrots, then tried to do it himself. He cut a few jagged slices until he nearly cut his finger, and Dan rushed forward.

"Here, let me..." Dan said, and he came up behind Phil on his right. Dan placed his hands over Phil's, and Phil turned his head to see Dan's face just mere inches away, looking down intently at their hands. Phil looked back down and felt a small smile play at his lips.

"Just like this." Dan said as he guided Phil's hands, chopping the vegetables slowly and with great precision. After several cuts, he stopped and twisted his neck to look at Phil, who turned to look back, finding it hard not to get lost in the warm brown eyes just inches away. 

"Do you think you can do it from here?" Dan asked, and Phil nodded, clearing his throat. 

"Yeah... yeah thanks." Dan separated from Phil, and only then did Phil allow a shudder to run through his body. He didn't know what had just happened, but having Dan so close had sent waves of energy through him, and he felt like his skin was tingling.

Phil tried to retain the motions Dan had helped him with, and they were certainly better than when he had started, but by the time he was done with three mediocrely chopped carrots, Dan had diced a full bag of potatoes, sliced up leeks, chopped celery, and was pouring broth into a pot. 

Phil sighed and chuckled a bit, bringing the cutting board to Dan. 

"Here you go." he said, and giggled a bit as he saw Dan obviously fake enthusiasm.

"Oh, those look great!" Dan enthused, unconvincingly, and Phil allowed his suppressed giggles to turn into full laughs. Dan looked up at him, worried and confused, and Phil shook his head to rid Dan of worry, unable to form words yet through his laughter.

Finally he coughed a bit, and was able to speak. "I know they look horrible! It's my first try!" Phil giggled, and Dan gave him a wary smile. 

"You'll get better." Dan assured. "If you want to keep learning, that is."

"Of course I do!" Phil grinned, and Dan smiled back, letting the carrots fall into the stew.

While the soup cooked, they made their way into the lounge and got out a fairytale book. Phil handed it to Dan, who smiled shyly, taking the book in his hands.

Phil helped Dan as he read, sounding out words he didn't recognize, and once again Phil was amazed at how quick a learner the boy was. Phil had seen him reading a few times at night, so he knew Dan must have been practicing, but still he was learning exceptionally fast, and Phil felt a strange sense of pride. 

Phil leaned over Dan's shoulder as he read, and he found himself increasingly aware of the boy's breathing next to him, the warmth radiating off of him, and Phil wanted to just lean his head down a few inches and rest it in the crook of Dan's neck and shoulder. 

He paused for a moment, then very slowly laid his head down. Dan stopped reading for a second, then picked back up quickly.

"Is this okay?" Phil whispered as he heard, and now felt, Dan's breathing quicken a bit.

"Of course, Sir."

"Dan... you don't have to call me Sir." Phil said slowly, and Dan nodded a bit. 

"Of course it's okay, Phil." 

Phil smiled and nuzzled further into the crook of Dan's neck, enjoying this closeness. His heart was beating quickly, and he felt fuzzy, and  _happy._ Phil sighed contentedly, and listened to Dan read until the soup was ready. 

They ate their soup, and then Phil decided to bathe before bed. Dan ran his bath, and then Phil was in the bathroom and Dan was undressing him, and Phil couldn't shake that fuzzy  _happy_ feeling, not taking his eyes off Dan once as the boy stripped him down bare. 

Phil stepped into the tub and relaxed, looking up at Dan with a smile on his face. 

"Thank you for taking me to the market today." Phil said warmly, and Dan nodded, his face unreadable.

"Of course." Dan responded in a carefully even tone, and Phil frowned. Dan held a soapy hand out and Phil put his foot up, sighing as Dan massaged his feet and calves. 

When Dan moved to his arms and hands, Phil didn't even realize when he adjusted to lace his fingers through Dan's until it was done. Dan stopped, staring at their hands and then at Phil questioningly, because Dan couldn't continue to wash Phil if he had Dan's hand. Phil blushed, but there was something in him that loved this. That loved being close to Dan, that was so intrigued by him and wanted to get to know more and more about the boy, get closer to him. 

He wanted to pull the boy towards him and wrap him in his arms, breathe in his scent, press his lips to Dan's mouth.... Phil's eyes snapped wide. Was that what he wanted? Phil had never really had a crush before, he'd been raised only around his family, and marriage was always something he thought would be set up by his family at some point in the future, so he'd never bothered much thinking about love.

But this boy... something about him, Phil couldn't get enough. It was like every inch of progress he made towards getting to know Dan only drew him in deeper, desperate to know more, be closer. Could Dan feel the same way? Phil looked up at him, at his carefully guarded expression, and frowned, unsure.  

Phil squeezed Dan's hand in his, looking for any sign of emotion in Dan's eyes, but there was none. Phil didn't know what to do. He just knew that he wanted to kiss Dan, and he'd never kissed anyone, but suddenly it seemed like the the best fantasy in the world. 

He slowly bent his arm at the elbow, tugging on Dan's hand slowly, and the boy moved forward, widening his eyes a bit as Phil sat up straighter in the tub, pulling Dan over it. 

Suddenly their faces were just inches apart, like they had been in the kitchen as Dan helped Phil cut the carrots. Phil felt sparks run through him and his heart was beating fast. He flicked his gaze between Dan's eyes and lips, looking for permission.

When Dan's gaze remained surprised but lacking opinion, Phil whispered, "Can I...?" He watched as Dan swallowed hard, then nodded. 

Phil pulled him in closer by their interlocked fingers, closing his eyes, and pressed a soft kiss to Dan's lips. He froze there after the kiss, lips still brushing lightly, and opened his eyes to look up at Dan and see how the boy was feeling. 

When he saw that Dan didn't pull away and didn't seem angry, Phil moved back in, moving his lips this time, kissing carefully but warm, tasting Dan's lips between his, squeezing Dan's hand. The kiss grew in intensity, and Phil brought his other hand up to grasp Dan's cheek, breathing hard now as they worked their tongues together, pushing and pulling, the water around Phil sloshing in the tub. 

Phil's eyes widened and he moaned as Dan's hand that wasn't in his found its way down to his stomach in the water, sliding down until Dan's long fingers wrapped around Phil's semi-hard cock, and began pumping. 

"Oh..." Phil moaned, not expecting this, but he wasn't complaining. Dan stroked him quickly, and Phil felt his abdomen tightening, bucking his hips up into Dan's hand, causing the water to slosh around a bit. He squeezed his eyes shut and threw his head back a bit, kissing Dan desperately, feeling droplets hit his face from the water splashing around. 

Dan's hands were rough but soft all at once, and Phil moaned as Dan stroked him faster and faster, and he was grabbing at Dan's jaw, holding the boy leaned over him in the tub, working his tongue in and out of Dan's mouth.

It was his first time doing any of this, and he was nervous that he wasn't good, but it felt so  _right,_ he couldn't be  _that_ bad. 

Phil felt his abdomen constrict even more and his balls tighten along with them, and he whispered into Dan's mouth, eyes still squeezed tightly shut, "I'm gonna..." and then he was pumping the white liquid into the bath, bucking his hips lazily through his orgasm. He continued to feel wet drops hitting his cheeks, and smiled into a kiss.

Phil let out a deep breath, finally allowing himself to open his eyes and look up at Dan, and...

_Oh no._

Dan's eyes were full of tears. His eyebrows were knitted together in pain, and the drops Phil had felt on his face... they weren't from the bath. They were from Dan, crying as he fulfilled Phil's needs.

Phil's mouth fell open in horror at himself.

_What had he done?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry... that's all I can say


	7. Chapter Seven

Time stopped.

Phil's mind was racing. What had just happened? How had he been so stupid? He had taken advantage of this boy, thinking he was... what? What did Phil think Dan was to him?

His lover? His friend? His slave? A person for him to do use? Phil felt shame rise in him, realizing exactly what had just happened. 

He stared into Dan's eyes over him, as the boy lifted a wrist to wipe his tears.

"I'm sorry, Master, I shouldn't cry." Dan choked out, turning his face to hide the tears. 

Phil felt like he'd been stabbed. Dan wasn't the one who should be apologizing, he was! And Dan had called him 'Master' again... they were moving backwards, and Phil had made a mistake. Phil had made an  _awful_ mistake.

"Dan..." Phil started, completely unsure of how to start or what he was trying to say. He got out of the tub, suddenly feeling extremely self conscious about being naked. 

Just to put the nail in the coffin, Dan retrieved Phil's fresh clothes and dressed Phil, as the older boy protested. 

Finally he was dressed, and he looked at Dan, whose eyes were locked on the floor.

"Dan I'm so sorry. I never meant to..." Phil trailed off as Dan shook his head violently.

"You are my Master you should not apologize. I am here to please you. You have done nothing wrong." Phil felt tears spring to his eyes at the formality in Dan's tone, and the way he refused to make eye contact. Just minutes ago Phil had been in ecstasy, but it hadn't been what he thought, and now he realized he had just betrayed the trust of his... Dan. 

"No, I do have to apologize. Because you're my friend. We agreed on that before, and I should have... I didn't... I didn't mean to use you." Phil whispered, voice cracking at saying the words aloud.

Dan's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "If you didn't mean to use me, why did you do it?" he asked, and Phil breathed out fast, as if he'd gotten hit in the stomach, the air rushing out of him.

"I... I guess that I realized I wanted... to be with you..." Phil said shyly, but Dan only looked more confused.

"And I obliged. I'm sorry, Master, did I do something wrong?" Dan looked frightened and confused, and Phil shook his head, wanting to reach out to comfort the boy, but realizing that might not be the best decision right now.

"No, you did nothing wrong! I did something wrong. I don't mean... I don't just want to...  _have_ you. I realized I want... I want you. Not as a form of pleasure, but as a person. I guess I thought you wanted me too." Phil barely whispered the last sentence, tears flowing freely now. 

"I'm sorry, Master, I don't under-"

"PLEASE JUST STOP CALLING ME MASTER!" Phil shouted, and immediately bit his lip, because who was he to make demands right now? After what he had done?

"I'm sorry... sir. I don't understand." Dan said warily, and Phil didn't miss how Dan wasn't using his name, and he had flinched when Phil yelled, as if he expected to be hit. Phil's heart ached. 

"Dan... I like you. I like you for who  _you_ are. And I'm so sorry I let myself get caught up in the moment, I thought you felt the same, and I... I made a mistake. Do you think you could ever forgive me?" Phil pleaded, and Dan's jaw was slack, frowning in confusion and shock.

"I..." Dan seemed to get stuck, and closed his mouth, thinking for a moment. "You are forgiven. You did nothing wrong." He said, and this time Phil could hear how he tried to keep his voice flat, but now it was faltering and cracking, and a tear dripped out of his eye and down his cheek.

"Dan... please talk to me. I won't hurt you. I know... I know I made a mistake and I broke a promise I made, but I truly would never have done so if I knew... I'm so sorry. I am so, so sorry, Dan. Please, just talk to me." 

Dan drew in a deep breath, and Phil watched Dan's face as he saw it settle into understanding and decision, but almost immediately crumple as Dan's mouth widened and a sob escaped, tears beginning to fall freely. Phil stared in shock, unsure of what to do. 

Dan wrapped his arms around himself, sobs wracking his body, hiccuping through the tears. All at once he removed his hands from his sides, launching himself at Phil and buried himself in Phil's shoulder, shaking through his sobs, clinging onto Phil as if he was worried he could slip away at any moment. 

"Shhhhhh..." Phil whispered gently as he rubbed Dan's back, his own tears still falling as he watched this boy fall apart in his arms. "It's okay... it's okay... I'm here, and I promise I'll never hurt you again. I've never wanted to hurt you, you're safe with me. I'll prove it to you, if you give me the chance. I know I don't deserve it, but I hope you'll let me try." 

Dan didn't respond, but continued to sob into Phil's shoulder, and Phil decided that, at least for the time being, this meant that Dan was accepting Phil's comfort. He realized now that this boy had a lot more baggage than he had ever realized, and things weren't going to go as smoothly as he had thought they were for a second. 

In this moment, Phil also realized just how awful their society was. Just how horrible it was to treat Dan, or any blanks, the way they were treated. They were humans, and if people thought they didn't have feelings... well the boy soaking his shirt with tears was a testament to how untrue that was.

Phil didn't know what would come of he and Dan. He didn't know if they could ever be friends again, maybe even best friends, or  _maybe_ even what Phil had hoped for earlier... but at this point Phil really didn't care.

All Phil cared about was that Dan allowed Phil to comfort him. He allowed Phil to support him as they walked to the bedroom. He crawled under the covers with Phil, and when Phil turned off the light, Dan rolled so he was curled into Phil, still sniffling.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Phil whispered, and he felt Dan shake his head in response.

"No. Not tonight. This is good though... thank you." 


	8. Chapter Eight

Phil didn't sleep.

Dan's breathing leveled out quickly, exhausting himself through his tears, but Phil couldn't shut his mind off.

He couldn't believe what he had done. He had been so stupid. He hadn't even thought about Dan - hadn't thought about how he'd been raised and taught... how he'd been  _trained._ Phil thought back to when he had asked permission to kiss Dan. How stupid had that been, when had Dan  _ever_ said no to him? Blanks couldn't say no to their masters!

And then Dan had moved so quickly to finish Phil off, and of course he had, because he had been taught that his purpose was for sexual fulfillment, not for any sort of romance. Phil shuddered as he thought of how Dan must have ben 'trained' this way, and what his childhood must have been like. 

Phil didn't want to think about it, but he realized he  _had_ to think about it. Not thinking about it was how he had allowed himself to become oblivious and escape into the world of pleasure, not thinking for a moment to check and see how Dan was doing, even though he  _knew_ this was a sore spot for the boy. 

Phil felt tears trickle out of his eyes as he laid there, but was careful not to move because Dan was curled up to his side, and he didn't want to wake the exhausted boy. Phil wanted to help him. He knew that this was the exact opposite of how their dynamic was supposed to work, but at this point he didn't care. 

Dan wasn't any less than him. He wasn't a  _blank._ He was just a boy. A boy who happened to be born with a black circle on his hand, and therefore had been subjected to a life of torture. But he was no different than Phil, and Phil was determined to begin treating him as more of an equal. 

Phil craned his neck to watch Dan as he slept. He couldn't see the boy's face, it was curled in towards his neck, resting on Phil's chest, but he lifted his left arm from Dan's waist tentatively, bringing his hand up to stroke Dan's hair lightly. He was so beautiful. He was so beautiful and selfless and strong, and Phil felt inferior to him in every way, and it was such bitter irony that he was the one 'in charge', because he felt like Dan ruled his life now, and he'd do anything the boy asked. 

Finally, somewhere around four in the morning, Phil drifted off to sleep, hand resting in Dan's hair. 

When he woke up, it was to an empty bed. He shot out of bed immediately, rushing out into the house, where he heard something sizzling in the kitchen. He walked in to see Dan quietly cooking pancakes, and he smiled.

"Good morning." Phil said softly, trying not to startle the boy.

Dan turned around and saw Phil, and a pained expression met his face. Phil sighed. At least he wasn't trying to hide his emotions anymore.

"Good morning. Breakfast will be ready soon." Dan said, indicating an empty plate with a few slices of bacon, seemingly waiting only for a pancake. There was only one plate.

"Dan... are you not making yourself some?"

"I'm not really hungry." Dan said, speaking low, and Phil let out a deep breath. He walked up to Dan, taking the spatula out of the confused boy's hands.

"Let me." Phil said softly, and part of him was screaming because he'd never actually cooked something over heat before, but most of him just wanted to do something for Dan. 

He flipped the pancake far too many times, and he knew he was doing an awful job, but his heart soared when he heard a little giggle from Dan's direction. He turned to see the boy with a hand raised to hide his mouth, eyes crinkling in a smile.

"What?" Phil asked, grinning.

"Just let it sit. It's almost done." Phil nodded and did as he was instructed, taking it out and nearly dropping it on the ground, but making it to the plate a few moments later. 

He moved to put the kettle on, Dan instructing him on how to turn the heat on to make it boil. He then picked up the plate and handed it to Dan. 

"Eat."

"But sir, this is..."

"My name is Phil, and this is for you. Now please... eat." Phil asked gently, and Dan nodded after a moment, giving Phil a small grateful smile and going to the dining room off the kitchen to begin picking at his food. 

Phil, after a few tries, figured out where the tea, cream, and sugar were, and made he and Dan two cups of sweet tea. He added the cream and sugar little by little, tasting along the way, since he had no idea of how much to put in. Once he had made it to the point where he thought he remembered it was when Dan had drank tea with him and marveled at its sweetness, Phil brought in the two cups, sitting next to Dan, around the corner of the table.

"Tea." Phil said softly, setting the cup down, and Dan looked up with wide eyes.

"Thank you." he mumbled, as if he weren't really thinking about his words, just staring at Phil for a moment in surprise before he moved back to his food. Phil watched him eat, and cursed his body as his stomach growled. 

"Do you want some?" Dan asked, shifting his plate slightly towards Phil.

"No... no I'm fine, that's yours, thank you though." Phil said, still eyeing the food.

"Please, I'm not going to eat it all." Dan insisted, and Phil caved. He ripped off a chunk of pancake, dipping it in buttery syrup before placing it on his tongue and humming in appreciation. 

The two boys silently shared their breakfast, and when they were done, Dan picked up the plate to go to the kitchen. 

"No!" Phil called out, and Dan turned, raising an eyebrow. "Uh... just... leave it in the sink for now, okay? And then come back in here?" Phil didn't want Dan to work today... it felt wrong. Dan frowned but nodded, returning a minute later.

"Dan... I think we should talk about yesterday." Phil saw Dan tense at his mention of the events of the day previous, but he firmed his lips into a line, holding his resolve. "I feel awful about it, and if you're willing, I'd like to talk to you about it." Dan took a few deep breaths before responding.

"Phil..." Phil's heart lightened with hope at the use of his name. "You're different. You're not what I expected, or what I've been trained for. I know you want me to speak honestly and allow myself emotions, but I have to ask you to have patience with me. My whole life I've been told to shove emotions down and to simply serve, and I'm trying... I really am. And I really appreciate you allowing me to become my own person. But it's going to take me some time." Dan said with a deep breath, and Phil felt like he could cry of happiness, because Dan was asking  _him_ for something, and holding his ground, telling Phil what he needed.

"Of course." Phil whispered. 

"I've been used by many people." Dan continued, and Phil stiffened. "The woman who trained me used me, and she would also bring her friends and have them use me as well. I was a toy for them, and she told me that such an array of people should teach me how to please anyone I could be assigned to. I was put through a lot... physically... and it was painful. It's always been my weakness, according to her, that I show fear when it comes to being used for pleasure. That's why she said she had people over so often, so I tried so hard to make myself not feel, to not show my fear, but I just couldn't. Not always. 

"I guess when I was assigned to you I was confused. I expected you to use me and you didn't, and I suppose part of me wanted you to, just so I didn't have to be in fear of when it would happen anymore. But Phil... I really thought you were just using me. And then what you said yesterday... was it true? That you don't just want me for physical pleasure?"

Phil nodded, not entirely trusting his voice as anger and sadness at Dan's 'trainer' welled in him, tightening in his throat.

"You see... I never thought that was something anyone would feel for me. Blanks don't have romantic partners. We're conditioned from a very young age that romance is dangerous and feelings in general are dangerous, so we don't form romantic relationships with anyone. Ever. I'm sorry that I didn't know how to react to that, but... I don't know that part of me. It doesn't exist for all I know. And I want..." Dan paused here, closing his eyes for a moment. "I want  _so bad_ to listen to you and to allow myself to become my own person with thoughts and feelings and opinions, and I'm doing it slowly, but I'm terrified. I'm terrified that one day you're going to change your mind, or that this is all somehow some huge sick prank, or even just that one day your family will come visit and I won't be able to keep up appearances and I'll be..." Dan trailed off here, but Phil knew his implication.

When blanks stepped out of line, the government took them and they were never seen again. No one knew for sure, but it was fairly commonly assumed that they were tortured and then executed.

"Dan..." Phil started, tentatively placing a hand over the other boy's, smiling slightly as he didn't pull away. "I don't expect anything from you. I don't expect you to suddenly be emotional and opinionated and romantic... all I can say is that I really like you and I really enjoy spending time with you, and I  _really_ hope that you can trust me enough to allow yourself to continue opening up. I just... I realized last night how awful it all is." Dan raised his eyebrows. "Everything. This whole place is so awful, and why do I get this life of luxury while you're condemned to a life of slavery just because of stupid shapes on our hands?" A sad but knowing look washed over Dan's eyes now, and he turned his hand upside down so now they were holding hands, and Phil felt a squeeze.

"I just... Dan I don't see you as different from me anymore. Well... I do, but I'm working on changing that. Like you with emotions, I've had this hammered into me from a young age and it'll take some time to get used to, but Dan... I don't want to be your 'Master'. I don't want to be above you, because I'm not.

"I don't own you."

There was a long silence, where the only movement came from Dan's thumb lightly stroking back and forth over Phil's knuckles. 

The silence lasted probably a minute, but to Phil it felt like three hours before Dan finally spoke. 

"Well then I think I'm going to need to teach you how to do your own dishes." and both boys burst out laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> totally subtle title drop there ;) ;) ;)


	9. Chapter Nine

Phil learned immediately that he was awful and cleaning. 

Dan cleaned a plate as an example and it looked simple enough, but when Phil got the foreign sponge in his hand and began cleaning, the plate felt clunky and awkward in his hand. When he finally thought he was done, Dan examined his work and pointed out several spots of stuck food, and flipped over the plate to reveal that the back was covered in food, water, and soap. 

"Oops?" Phil squeaked, raising his hands in a shrug, tongue poking between his teeth as he beamed at Dan. 

"Maybe I'll stick to the washing up for now... let's start with baby steps. Cooking, bathing, getting dressed." Dan smirked as he took the sponge from Phil's hand, lightly bumping him out of the way. 

Phil could see that Dan was nervous and wary to do these things, acting on the same level as Phil instead of below him, but he was ecstatic that Dan still pushed himself to do it even so. 

"Aww fiiiiiiiine..." Phil moaned dramatically, granting him a small giggle from Dan. 

Phil stood over Dan's shoulder, watching as he washed the dishes quickly, and Phil found himself entranced by Dan's hands. They moved expertly, and he had long pretty fingers attached to pretty wrists attached to pretty arms, and who was Phil kidding, Dan was just pretty. 

Phil grinned and almost leaned forward to rest his chin on Dan's shoulder, then remembered the night before in the bath, and decided it might be best to keep some space for a bit. He didn't want to overstep his forgiveness. 

After the dishes were clean, they moved to reading. Dan didn't seem too enthusiastic to work on his own reading today, so Phil happily read him a story, sat on the sofa. Phil sat with his legs sprawled out across the sofa, reading, as Dan laid on his stomach on the floor, elbows propping him up to hold his head in the hands, gazing at Phil as he told the story. 

Phil kept getting slightly distracted by the boy's eyelashes, his dimples that appeared along with the little creases next to his eyes as he laughed at different parts of the story, the way his two front teeth angled in just a bit, but it added character as they flashed through his smile, dazzling Phil. How had he not realized he was pining after this boy earlier? 

Blank or not, this boy had Phil's heart in his hands, and this was one thing he could not control between them. In this, Dan was in complete control, and Phil found it strangely exciting. 

Phil had always been in control. His whole life he had gotten what he wanted. Especially with Dan, a blank, he was  _supposed_ to be in control of every little thing, but being out of control was giving Phil a rush. He felt his nerves on end, unsure of what Dan thought, of what Dan wanted, and it was the first time Phil had craved something. 

When you're given everything you could ask for, nothing ever matters much. Nothing is ever  _that_ exciting, because it's just a given that you'll get it. Once there's that bit of doubt... that possibility that you  _won't_ get what you want... Phil was high off the feeling.

"Phil?" Dan asked, and Phil snapped back into reality, realizing he'd been staring at Dan and not reading for who knows how long. 

"Uh... sorry." Phil stammered, looking back at the book.

In his rush to look away, he didn't see the small blush that crept to Dan's cheeks, accompanied by a shy smile. 

They finished the book after several hours, and Phil's stomach was beginning to growl. 

"Dinner?" Dan asked with a smile, and Phil nodded excitedly. 

As they walked into the kitchen Phil stopped for a moment, gently taking Dan's hand to turn the boy towards him. Dan looked up, confused, and Phil let his hand drop, still not wanting to overstep physical boundaries.

"Dan... I just... thank you." Phil said, and Dan's eyebrows furrowed further together.

"For what?"

"You... just today... it's felt like having a friend. Not like we're any different, just... friends. Thank you." Phil smiled shyly, looking down and shuffling his feet.

"I should be the one thanking you. You're allowing me to live. Not just to survive and make my dull way through life, but to really have a chance to  _live._ I'm the one who should be thanking  _you_ , Phil." 

Phil didn't know what to say to this, so he just gave Dan a shy smile and turned, continuing into the kitchen. 

"So... what should we make?" Phil asked, a bit intimidated by all the foreign equipment surrounding him. 

"I'm thinking something easy. How do you feel about a picnic?" Dan said with a grin, and Phil laughed.

"Dan, it's dark outside! You go on picnics during the day!" He giggled, but Dan shrugged.

"I don't know, I like being outside at night. I think you'd like it."

Phil's giggles subsided but the smile remained as he nodded his head, shrugging. "Okay." he said simply, and allowed Dan to help him piece together a sandwich. They took their plates, along with a blanket, out to the back yard and laid it out, sitting on top of the blanket. 

It was a warm evening and the sky was clear. Phil shivered, but more out of excitement than cold, and Dan smiled.

"See? Night is the best time to be outside." Phil hummed in agreement and they ate their dinner slowly and silently, looking up at the clear sky, the moon in a perfect crescent. 

Once they were finished, they laid back on the blanket, fully taking in the sky.

"How did you know? About outside at night." Phil asked, breaking the silence between them, both intrigued to know more about Dan's past, but also slightly worried about bringing up bad memories. Luckily, this didn't seem to be the case. 

"I used to sleep in the barn. There was a hole in the roof and I could see the stars. I loved how they looked, and eventually I began sleeping right outside the barn doors so I could watch them as I fell asleep. Something about the vastness of the world... it makes me realize how small and insignificant I am... and I suppose in a way that helped me get through my 'training'. Reminding myself that no matter how much I hurt, in the grand scheme of things, it wouldn't matter."

Phil turned his head to look at Dan, who remained gazing at the stars.

"That's a pretty dark meaning for something you love." He remarked, and Dan breathed out sharply in a huff of a laugh.

"Yeah, I suppose. They helped me, though." He said softly, and Phil smiled, turning back to look at the stars.

He decided that for something to be beautiful it didn't necessarily have to be good. It could just be something you needed at the time. Something to serve as a crutch to get through a difficult time, and even though you may not need that crutch when your leg healed, you'd always appreciate it for what it did when you were in need. 

"I like how your brain works." Phil commented fondly, and he saw Dan's head turn to him in his peripherals, but he remained staring at the sky.

"What do you mean?" Dan asked, and Phil could hear a smile in his voice.

"I mean I like your mind. I like who you are." Phil finally turned to look at Dan now. "I like that I'm getting to see more and more of that person every day. I like  _you._ " He put extra emphasis on that last word, and smiled at Dan, trying to exude collectedness, while his brain was screaming at him. 

"Oh." Dan said softly, blushing and tilting his head down a bit, shyly looking up at Phil from beneath his eyelashes. There was a long pause, and  Phil was about to turn and look back at the stars when Dan continued. "I like you too." 

Phil couldn't stop the huge grin from covering his face as he gazed at Dan, but it did fall slightly into one of shock and realization as Dan pushed himself forward a bit on the blanket, scooting closer to Phil. 

Dan gently took Phil's jaw in his palm, cupping his face, and began to move closer.

Phil wanted this. He wanted this  _so_ bad. He could feel Dan's breath on his face and all he wanted was to press forward, crashing into Dan's lips, but instead he lifted a hand to Dan's shoulder, applying light pressure which told the boy to stop. Dan pulled back from Phil slightly, looking in his eyes questioningly.

"I thought you wanted this?" he asked, confused, and Phil gulped.

"I do. I really,  _really_ do. But we can't do this - not yet. What you said yesterday... about not knowing if you could feel romantic feelings towards someone... I understand that. And I hope it's something I can maybe help you with, but I think it's going to take some time, and until you're sure you're at that point, and until you're  _sure_ you're doing this because it's what  _you want,_ then..." Phil brought his hand back from Dan's shoulder, making a sweeping gesture to indicate himself, "I'm all yours. But until then... I can't take advantage of you. Not again." 

"I...." Dan started, clearly not knowing what to say, but Phil smiled because his eyes said it all.

"I know. I'll take care of you, I promise. Let's just take it slow, okay?" He asked, and Dan nodded. Phil reached out again, but this time he wrapped his arm around Dan's back, pulling the younger boy to his chest. 

They laid there, curled up for a while, Dan's face buried in Phil's chest. After a minute or so Phil felt and heard the light crying and squeezed Dan gently, earning himself a squeeze in return as Dan's arms wrapped around Phil's waist. 

"Thank you." Dan whispered into Phil's chest, barely intelligible, but Phil heard it and smiled softly, burying his face into the top of Dan's head.

"You're safe." he whispered back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always feel so pretentious when I try to make metaphors... fdjaofjoijfoiew


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yesterday I passed 15,000 cumulative hits on all my fics. I don't know what to say... Just thank all of you. That's insane to me, I never in a million years thought so many people would enjoy my writing. For every read, every kudos, every bookmark, and every comment... Thank you <3

They made their way into the house after a while, and Dan fell asleep quickly. 

Phil, however, couldn't stop his mind from racing. He was laying in bed next to Dan, trying to match his breathing with the younger boy's, begging for sleep, but it wouldn't come.

Phil couldn't stop thinking about the stupid marks on their hands.

Why were they there? Who decided what they meant? Where did they come from? 

He realized he'd never thought of these questions before, and he'd never heard anyone talk about it. The more he thought about it, the more that seemed wrong and suspicious, and the more curious he got. 

Finally he slid out of bed, careful not to shift Dan and wake him, and made his way to his bookshelves.

Phil spent the entire night combing through any book that could possibly hold answers, but there was nothing. Phil had an impressive collection of books, but not a single word on the origination of these marks. 

Around five in the morning Phil fell asleep lying on the sofa with a book on his chest.

 

* * *

 

 

"Phil?" Phil's eyes blinked open begrudgingly, but he smiled when he saw Dan's concerned face over him.

"Are you okay?" The younger boy asked, and Phil nodded.

"Just stayed up too late doing research... I can't find it anywhere." Phil mumbled, and Dan's eyebrows knit together.

"Find what?"

"The marks! The marks... where they come from... why they're there..." Phil muttered, his brain slowly waking up.

"Oh." Was all Dan said, eyes narrowing in thought. 

"Do you know?" Phil asked hopefully, but Dan shook his head.

"Never really bothered to think about it. Why worry about something you can't control I guess."

"I wanna go to the library." Phil decided, standing up quickly and almost going straight back down as dizziness hit. Dan reached out quick and grabbed Phil's arm, steadying him.

"Whoa... okay. Okay we can go to the library. Do you want some breakfast first?" Phil nodded, and Dan gave him a small smile. "Why don't you just stay here and close your eyes for a few more minutes, and I'll bring you some food in a bit?" Phil nodded again, eyes shut, sinking back down onto the sofa. He was asleep within seconds. 

 

* * *

 

 

Phil woke up and widened his eyes. Dan was rubbing his shoulder to wake him, and to his left on the coffee table sat two plates loaded with food along with a glass of orange juice.

The first and main plate had pancakes stacked up high, butter and syrup dripping down the sides. There were eggs and bacon and toast and sausages, and then the smaller plate held tons of mixed fruit. The orange juice was complete with a slice on the rim of the glass. The presentation was beautiful, and Phil gaped at Dan.

"What is this for?" He asked in shock, and Dan shrugged, smiling. 

"You needed sleep, so I decided to take a long time in the kitchen. This was what happened." Dan grinned, and Phil shook his head as he smiled.

"Well thank you. You made yourself some, right?" Dan nodded and went into the kitchen, returning with his own food. 

They ate happily, and Phil couldn't nearly finish all the food, but he tried his best. 

"Mmm that was delicious." He hummed, leaning back against the couch and rubbing his full tummy.

"Thank you." Dan grinned, getting up at taking the plates to the kitchen.

"Library?" Dan called back, and Phil nodded lazily.

"In a few... food coma... sleepy." he heard Dan's giggles from the kitchen and Phil smiled, chin to chest as he dipped further down onto the cushion.

Dan returned from washing dishes after a few minutes and plopped on the couch next to Phil. Phil looked up at him and smiled, sleepy and full and warm. When Dan reached his arms out invitingly, Phil was quick to shift over and lean back against Dan's chest, allowing the younger boy's arms to wrap around his torso, legs pressed together. 

Phil let his head fall to the side against Dan's chest, and smiled slightly as his ear connected and he could hear Dan's heartbeat. Phil shifted and turned so he was laying sideways, wrapping his arms around Dan as one of his legs made its way up to rest atop Dan's knees. Phil took in a deep breath, inhaling Dan's scent which was mixed with syrup and fruit and bacon, and Phil was certain he could be happy if he never moved again.

 

About an hour later, the two boys were stepping onto a carriage. Dan gave Phil a look and Phil nodded, knowing that he had to act differently towards Dan in public.

They went to the library and stepped in. Phil went up to one of the clerks, a young woman with glasses and a smooth brown ponytail. She fiddled with her glasses, and Phil almost envied the emptiness on her hands.

To be born without a mark... it would be freeing, wouldn't it? To get to live your entire life simply as a member of the working class, not depending on anyone and having no one depend on you? Simply getting a job and living... It sounded nice.

"Excuse me?" Phil asked, and the woman turned to him. She took in his clothes and hand in one brief sweep with her eyes, then straightened up as she addressed him formally.

"What can I help you with, sir?" 

"I'm looking for any books you might have on the origin of marks." Phil explained, and the woman nodded, brows furrowing together. She went behind the counter and rifled through a large book, looking for anything they might have, and after about three minutes looked up and shrugged. 

"I don't see anything specifically related to marks that we have... you could try basic human history which is in section five over there right under the stairs..." She pointed, and Phil nodded gratefully.

"Thank you." He turned to Dan, indicating the section they were going to. "Let's go, Da... boy." Dan nodded, and they walked over.

 

* * *

 

 

Nine hours. Phil spent nine hours rifling through books, scouring the pages, looking for something...  _anything_ mentioning marks. 

There was nothing.

"Sir? The library is closing... You don't have to rush, but we will need you to leave." The woman with the ponytail from earlier said nervously, peeking her head around a bookshelf.

"Oh, of course. I'm sorry, we'll be out of your hair. Come on, D... boy." Phil said, and he and Dan got up, leaving the library and taking the carriage home.

Once they were inside, Phil flopped down on the sofa, exhausted.

"Why?" He asked. "Why is there  _nothing?_ These marks are such a huge part of society, but... who decided what they mean? Where do they come from? Dan... What makes me any different from you?"

Dan sat on the end of the sofa next to Phil's feet, and thought. "I don't know." he said after a while. "It's just the way it is."

They sat in silence for a while, and Phil couldn't stop thinking about these marks. Could it be so simple of a thing as the way that some peoples' hair was brown, some blonde, some red? But no... even those shades varied. These marks were exact, precise, and uniform between everyone that had one. 

"Can I see your mark?" Phil asked after a while, and Dan nodded, holding his hand forward. Phil took the hand in his, running his thumb over the black circle. It was an intense black. Not faded into a dark grey, no, it was  _black._ As if there was a deep hold inside Dan's hand that led to a world of emptiness. 

When Phil looked at his own hand, a thin blue circle that was light and almost turquoise, it practically looked like it was glowing. It was the opposite of Dan's circle, light and bright and shining practically off his skin. Phil looked at the two marks next to each other for a moment, then put his hand over Dan's, leaving a small gap between their hands. He inspected them, and yes... yes he was right. His outline of a circle was just slightly bigger than Dan's black circle. 

He didn't know why this was a surprise, they were entirely different marks, but he'd always assumed that they would be the same size of circle. 

"They're different sizes." he remarked, and Dan looked closer, shrugging.

"Yeah, I suppose they are." Dan didn't seem surprised by this, and Phil wasn't sure why it was so shocking to him, so he decided to shrug it off as well. 

"Sleep?" Phil asked, and Dan nodded, smiling. 

"Would you read something?" he asked shyly, and Phil nodded, an adoring grin taking over his face.

"Of course I will, idiot." he said warmly, and felt a pang of sadness when he saw fear flash momentarily through Dan's eyes, but relaxed when he saw Dan shake it off. He knew it was going to take Dan time to get used to the change in his life, and he was extremely impressed at how well the boy had done so far. 

Phil took Dan's hand in his, raising his eyebrows to ensure that this was okay. When he got a smile and nod in return, he led Dan into the bedroom, picking up a book on the way. 

They laid in bed and Phil sat against the headboard as Dan laid on his side, head resting on his hands, looking up at Phil as he listened.

The book Phil had randomly chosen off the shelf happened to be a romance. He wasn't surprised, Phil loved romance novels and they made up a good portion of his collection. 

This book was of the fantasy category, and he read to Dan the story of a princess who was spoiled. She got everything she wanted. She had servants waiting on her hand and foot, and parents who were scared of her and gave her everything she asked for. 

She was stuck up and as a reader you hated her, until she met a stable boy. She was supposed to be marrying a prince from another kingdom. He was supposedly attractive and a bit of a show off, but he was wealthy and her parents had made the arrangement. She had never met him, but so was the custom with most marriages in this land. The poor stable boy threw a wrench into the plan, as she fell in love with him.

Her parents tried to keep her from seeing the stable boy, needing to make the tie between the kingdoms for political and economical reasons, but the girl's heart had been stolen, and she ran away with the boy. They ran and found a small cabin and lived the rest of their days in the cabin. She didn't live in luxury, she didn't get everything she wanted, but she had the boy she loved, and for the first time in her life she was happy.

Phil's eyes continually widened as he read the story, coughing a bit uncomfortably at the points that struck just a little too close to home. He stole small glances at Dan, and watched as the boy's eyebrows knit together in concentration, widening at certain parts in surprise and realization. 

When the story was over, Phil set the book down and laid down on the bed, turning so he was face to face with Dan.

"It was an alright one. Sorry if it was a bit boring." Phil apologized, cheeks still slightly flushed from just how much he had identified with the princess.

"Phil... it was beautiful." Dan said softly, a small smile creeping along his face. "I... I think I felt something."

Phil's eyes opened wide in surprise, eyebrows knitting together. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"I... I felt happy. For the princess and the stable boy. I felt... light. Like someone pumped air into my chest and I was being lifted away. I don't know how to explain it... but I've never felt that before." Dan said, thinking carefully about how to explain the feeling to Phil.

Phil smiled shyly, reaching over to carefully take one of Dan's hands in his, holding it between them and rubbing Dan's knuckles with his thumb gently.

"And how do you feel now?" He asked, smiling as he looked down at their hands, briefly flicking his gaze up to see Dan gazing at their hands in wonder. He blushed, looking back down, biting his lip in anticipation.

"I feel the same. I feel... light. Like my stomach is bouncing around and my heart is beating fast and I feel like I need to breathe more to get enough air, and... your hand is warm. Your hand is warm and I can  _feel it._ I don't know how to explain it, but not in a normal way. Like I can feel every little bit of it."

Phil bit his lip harder, almost grateful that Dan couldn't recognize this feeling, because it allowed him to be so much more open about explaining it, and Phil almost wanted to squeal. 

Phil untangled their fingers, then ran his hand up Dan's arm, along his bicep to his shoulder, gently massaging there.

"And now?" he asked, allowing a hint of a dare to enter his tone as he felt Dan shiver.

"I... Phil..." Phil looked up to meet Dan's eyes finally, and found an expression of wonder gazing back at him. 

"Phil I think..." Dan whispered, and Phil's heart leaped as Dan pulled Phil closer, leaving them only inches apart. "I think..." Dan continued, but he cut himself off as he gently connected their lips.

Dan's lips were soft and warm and Phil got lost in the comfort of them. Soon he felt them stretching out and opened his eyes to see Dan smiling, and a smile formed on his own face. He pressed forward to peck Dan's stretched lips and pressed their faces together, but pulled back when he felt wetness on his cheek. 

He pulled a few inches away so he could look at Dan, serious now, but the look he saw relaxed him slightly. Dan wasn't crying like he had been in the tub. No... he was smiling and laughing slightly, a few tears welling and spilling over, but he wiped them away as he smiled, and his eyes were full of adoration. 

"Phil it's okay. It's okay, I'm okay, I just... I never thought... I never thought I could feel this." Dan finally got out, and Phil pulled him into a tight hug. 

"Dan, I..." Phil started, stopping to draw in a deep breath because he'd never done anything like this and he didn't know the protocol. He knew this might be a bit much, but he wanted to let Dan know how much he cared, and he knew it was true, so he decided to just go for it. "Dan... I love you." Phil whispered, holding Dan against his shoulder, and it earned him a choked sob, but there was levity, almost laughter behind the sob. 

"I love you too, Phil." Dan said, taking Phil's hand in his. 

There was a moment of happiness. A moment of peace and joy and calm. A moment before the white hot pain started.

Phil gasped in shock, pulling back and trying to yank his hand away from Dan's, but he couldn't. From the yelp he heard from Dan, he knew the boy was feeling the same pain. They each tried to pull their hands apart, but it was as if they were magnetically connected, and no matter how hard they tugged, they couldn't separate. 

"What the hell?" Phil yelled, and his eyes shot open as searing pain shot through his hand, and he felt like the center of it was being burned out of him. White light radiated out from their hands, so bright they couldn't look at them, and Phil was crying in pain. 

The light kept growing and growing and Phil pressed his eyes shut, willing the pain to go away, and then all of a sudden it did.

Suddenly the pain stopped and the light was gone, and Phil and Dan's hands fell away from each other. 

"What was that?" Dan asked, breathless, as they both looked down at their hands.

Phil's mouth dropped open in awe.

"Dan..."

"Is yours...?" Dan held out his hand to compare it to Phil's, and yes... yes Dan's was identical to Phil's.

Phil no longer had just a simple light blue ring. Now he had a large black circle, but the circle was rimmed in blue light, shooting out from behind it. While his ring had looked almost glowing before, now it positively cast light and radiated out, and the tendrils that snaked out from it actually seemed to be moving slightly.

"It's like..."

"Like an eclipse." Dan finished, gazing at their hands in wonder. 

"Dan..." Phil whispered, in shock and unable to comprehend what this could possibly mean.

"I love you, Phil." Dan said decidedly, looking up from their hands to meet Phil's gaze determinedly. Phil felt his hand pulse and Dan seemed to feel the same, as they looked down and saw the blueish white light radiate out stronger. 

"I love you too, Dan." Phil whispered as they both stared at their hands which were now interlocked, and Phil could  _feel_ the warmth of the light burn between their hands as he spoke these words, but it didn't hurt. It gave Phil energy. Made him feel warm and comforted and safe and  _whole._

"Phil... what does this mean?" Dan asked, forehead contracting in confusion, realizing that both of them now had marks that were unrecognized. 

"It means that we're one, Dan. It means that we're equal. It means I don't own you."

And Phil couldn't imagine a happier sight than the painfully large smile that took over Dan's face, happy tears pouring out of his eyes as he was pulled in for another smiley kiss, their hands burning as they pressed together in white radiating heat. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Don't Own You - aka the soulmate fic no one expected (even me until I finally decided on this ending just like yesterday)


End file.
